Many have asked us over the years, where is your train-the-trainer programme? I would really like to do it. Seems it’d be a popular option.
So let us think about this: Ars Amorata running a train-the-trainer programme. Interesting. Training men, to train other men, to do something. To do what?
Well, we could train trainers to help men with approaching women, attracting women, dating, you know, the whole dance of seduction. That would be popular. And it’d be a great way for us to capitalise on our market, because the rush of emotion—the extraordinary release that happens when a man breaks through in his own dating life—makes him want to be involved in the ‘romance’ conversation all the time, and pass onto others his newfound excitement and joy. At least, in this way it happened to me.
But if we were to run a train-the-trainer programme focused on approaching, attraction, and dating, I feel it would be indeed short-lived. Spending a decade at work in this men’s coaching world, I notice that ‘attraction and dating coaches’ don’t have a long lifespan at all. In fact, after two or three years, I’ve noticed most such dating and attraction coaches go through something like a burnout. I get it: to be an effective coach in this realm precludes that you a) find enough stability to run your business, while b) keeping your enthusiasm for the topic: especially when your private life is bound to screech and drop through significant challenges. Meaning, as a dating and attraction coach to find stability in a relationship—or to otherwise keep that mojo running at 90%+ throughout your working year—trust me, takes some going.
What happens to the flotsam of burned-out dating coaches? Well, they typically resurface in a different market. They become advertising consultants or cryptocurrency experts, or go into some broader, usually internet-based business as a whole. The few of us that are left, we escape to the jungles and start offering more spiritually-tinged messages to our previous audience, or, as Zan has, escape to Scrutopia and sharpen the philosophy he offers on his portico. In a few isolated, rare cases, we wander into traditional marriage counselling, body psychotherapy, sexology, and so on.
The shelf-life, then, of your average ‘attraction and dating coach’ is rather short-lived. And while our company might make bank churning out legions of coaches, this doesn’t have too much to do—in my opinion—with the lifelong meaning of being, in spirit, an Amorati.
Now this is my branding, my leadership call here. If I am misguided for trying to inflate the standing of Ars Amorata to a grandiose, mythical scale, when really I should turn around and give the people what they want—seduction—then bring forth the guillotine and lay my carcass out to fry. Say my call is wrong, then maybe I will step aside and put my pretensions in a different company and leave ole’ Amorata for what the public wants it for.
Anyway, these are my beliefs, the bigger story I find myself trying to write for the adventure-minded men of the world. I trust I have Zan’s backing on this too, that what it means to be an Amorati is to consider those broad philosophical questions about beauty, about a man’s lifelong passion, and his quest to uncover what living truly means.
Men who come to our work seek embodiment of their masculine edge, and knowledge they’re an inspiring figure in the world. ¿Cómo se dice? Leadership. Yes, this is and was always about leadership. And the men who find their way to us know that their embodied leadership capacity is the most attractive thing to women—no clever thing they say across from her in some wine bar can compete. Most of our men, therefore, don’t want the superficial answers (ok, so I did see you download that Tinder cheat-sheet to get you going), but what you really crave is the big kahuna, the long-term kind of spiritual transformation that only a true personal odyssey and the mystique of your masculine nature can call forth.
So here we are. Your bespoke, idiosyncratic, and never-before-lived personal odyssey. What does it entail to travel this road? First, brutally honest exploration and acceptance of your darkness, your dark force, your dark forest, your shadow. Second, letting yourself be seen as you scrape through the life and love challenges that assault your blind spots and distill your character. Finally, a lengthy meditation on the philosophical underpinnings of your existence:
— What is your gift to give to the world?
— Which ‘peak experiences’ are those that, when you have them, will open your doors of perception?
— Are you able to love outrageously, align your relationship with your need for freedom, and fully pursue other passions?
— Can you envision your spiritual quest, and the route needed to embody the potential that is within you?
— How will you, through your work, manifest the beauty you’ve known in your life, in such a way that you pass it onto the next—so you can inspire the future in the same way you were inspired in the past?
— Will you spend your days in such a way that, when you die, you look back over the course of your life and grin—ear to wrinkled, sun-speckled ear—with the way you gave yourself to it, and the way your talents were used?
The size of a man’s life derives from the size of his questions, and perhaps you hold questions that are larger still. What I’ve noticed is that, sometimes, a man doesn’t get pithy cognitive answers to the grand inquiries of his days. That would be too simple. Instead, he becomes a walking exemplar: an embodied answer to the biggest questions he ever posed. Of course, from this vantage point, his dating issues were resolved a long way back down the road.
So I’d be remiss if I was to offer a train-the-trainer programme that tackled questions any smaller than those above. Keep our programme centered on the attraction and dating stuff and, yes, I think we’d be short-changing you. This might be an unpopular direction, but it rings true to me. And if I am wrong I’ll step aside, even walk away, and let this fine community be what it needs to be.
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Say You Do Want to Become a Coach
Ok, I’ll reel it in. I’ll say something distinct about my profession.
If we were to do an attraction-trainer programme, or even run a school of men’s shadow work, sure, I could pass on coaching skills. I could pass on understanding of women. We could invite women! We could set up scenarios where you learn to put fellow men in scenarios, so you get present to how the energy of attraction all flows in the moment. We could give you deep change technologies to walk your clients through on behest! Bear in mind: this is the light stuff, and all our team offer such coaching if you want it. Heck, our Mastery course offers it. But our leadership programme will not because, in truth, most men don’t want to be coaches.
Seriously. It may fill us with a pleasant esteem, to mentor fellow men, part-time, in the arts of romance and seduction. You might find it fun doing this over a year or two. But most men seem to find that, when they dig deep into the questions of their soul, their heart leads them to something radically different. So often, coaching is a halfway house—an empathetic stairwell—between the love for transformation that fuels you right now, and the thing you’re truly on earth to do. If I were going to create a train-the-trainer programme, I would not pander to your interest in a halfway house. We will go the whole hog, and go to the deepest aspect of what you’re here to give. And so on our ‘train-the-trainer programme’—which is our Legacy programme—you are invited into a full-scale spiritual adventure that will entwine the three lifelong questions we’re all inextricably bound to as men:
— How to maximise the love I inspire in relationship…
— How to transmit my deepest wisdom through art…
— While living that whole-scale spiritual odyssey that compels me…
— And integrating all three like a King.
As you can see, any train-the-trainer programme that considers these mighty questions will develop your leadership in a far broader sense. Therefore, as you make clear progress throughout your journey, you will embody an elegant way of being that will serve as a deeper rudder throughout whatever you want to do, whatever your goal is in your life. And, should you want to be that coach—even, after all my panning it, that attraction and dating coach!—once you’ve understood the role of the transcendent and the sublime in your life, and you embody a number of virtues in your simple way of being, when you get on the call with your client, remember it’s your embodied qualities and virtues that do ninety per cent of the transformative work. You can *almost* take your hands off the wheel!
That’s the secret of coaching. And it’s what links the profession so closely to leadership. It is not the tools, the clever questions, or the processes you guide people through that give them most bang for their buck. It’s who you are as a human, beneath your actions, that instigates most of your client’s change.
Same principle applies, of course, to your relationships, your dating, your creativity.
So the real question around coaching is this: when a client walks into your workshop, do they feel inspiration, joy, passion… do they pick up on your depth of self-understanding, your strength, your discernment… the qualities of love you can bring; your clarity, inner peace, self-acceptance, and, crucially, your acceptance of them, no matter how much pain and reactivity they’re in and bringing before you? Do clients melt in your compassion, your loving-kindness, your soul-depth… and do they follow your dedication, your perseverance, your virility—Passion!—and the artistry of your life well-lived?
If you embody virtues that this depth, it’s pretty darn easy to then pick up some coaching techniques and offer a service. And boy, that’ll be a real service because you won’t be offering some cheeky weekend talking to girls, but you’ll be there as a true mentor, in the deepest sense, to others. To everyone in your life. You will stop seeking beauty, per sé, and you will begin to transmit your own beauty to the world. In a culture bereft of sublime virtues from the heights of art down the daily ways we treat each other online, you will start having everyone you meet feel infused by the beauty that you’ve come to know.
This is the level we want to align with when we graduate men from any train-the-trainer programme we’re ever involved in. Leader, coach, artist, husband—this is what any train-the-trainer programme we offer will have to give you. I wouldn’t want to create something unsustainable—a two-year sugar rush before life catches up. Let’s make something that’ll ripple through your days ’til you’re old and grey, and that will shape your destiny until your deathbed.
There you have it. I won’t settle for you getting off lightly on this Ars Amorata trail. But then, as I said, I could be wrong, and maybe I should let sleeping dogs lie, and stop blowing this warm, aspirational air into the sails of this message. Maybe I should put these leadership thoughts elsewhere, and let the Amorati just be about approaching. Lol.
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On ‘Joining’ the Ars Amorata Team
Now, if you’ve been awaiting a train-the-trainer programme in a bid to join our team, listen here:
It is highly probable that, in the future, completing Legacy is a prerequisite to being an affiliated mentor or coach with us. But bear this in mind: it is not about becoming the ‘world’s greatest lover’ that makes you valuable to us. Value is about having gotten to your depths and found your greatest gifts to give.
If you’ve done that journey, you will be infinitely valuable to us, and we can surely talk about an alliance. For if you complete Legacy, you will become a de facto knight at our round table, devoted to restoring beauty in the world, passing on fire to the next generations. A true brother-in-arms at the level of mission.
The irony, of course, is, that if you’ve journeyed this deep unto yourself, you will be wholly unattached as to whether you work alongside us, or not. Your only import will be how you can bring your art, securely and fully articulated, and have it given to those who need it. At this depth of motivation, you will not lose much sleep worrying whether you were validated by our team, or not. That is a mark of a leader.
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The Road Less Travelled
I would be curious to peer through that camera in your screen, and see what you make of this. I trust my reason and direction here is clear to you, and that you understand what kind of organisation Ars Amorata is, and what we most strikingly stand for. This whole message is an invitation for you to think deeply about your future, but think far bigger. After all, what will your Legacy be? And what already exists because of you?
If you want a genuine leadership programme that will guide you into your strongest virtues, give you insight about what you’re on earth to give, and how you can be a fellow knight-at-the-round-table with us, devoted to restoring beauty—effectively—and in your own unique way, then you might want to consider joining me for Legacy.
And if Legacy calls you, right now, at this moment in your life, then request an application.
Just be aware that Legacy will always be a highly-customised, small-group training. And we will always receive more applications than we have spaces to offer.
June 2022 sees our first-ever round of Legacy, and it will only get more competitive (and more costly) to enter, as the years and the rounds go by.
Think about it.
I hope to meet you inside.
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P.S. How do you know if you’re ready?
Well, you will find our detailed selection criteria on the Legacy webpage.
To say it briefly, if you were thinking about becoming an Ars Amorata Coach, you should have tackled most of your questions around women, and have a solid embodiment of our basic principles.
One of the driving premises for considering Legacy is that your hustle and overthinking about women has soothed, leaving you free to contemplate questions of the aesthetic, the void, and of giving back.
If you are hungry for more exploration around the way you connect and relate to women…
… you may be a better fit for Mastery this year.
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