Dear reader—what kind of a seducer are you?

A clitoral playboy, a g-spot lover, or a cervical, womb-level God?

I was recently speaking with a coaching client who told me he was navigating the land of women, approaching only when he felt a ‘full body yes’.

An interesting method to follow, to approach only when you’re a ‘full body yes’. So I asked him how this worked.

‘What in your body do you feel, when all of it is a ‘yes’? How many women have you then approached like this?’

‘About thirty… over the course of a month,’ he said. ‘My goal is to do one a day.’

This made me pause and reflect. A ‘full body yes’? 

‘Where did such an idea come to you from?’ I asked. ‘In my mind, the ‘full body yes’ is a sort of healing or tantric practice for women, helping women discern the levels of attraction they feel for men.’

‘I’m not saying this isn’t a useful practice for you, but is your ‘full body yes’ based on your dick and your eyes, or do you feel into the conflicting inner folds of your body before you surrender everything to that girl over there?’

We both laughed.

‘So I imagine it’s the former,’ I said. ‘That you approach not when she’s a full body… but a ‘full dick-and-eyes yes’.’ Without an impeccable, deep practice of inner discernment, most men will not scan their full bodies for degrees of yes.

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Men’s and women’s bodies are built differently.

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From what I’ve seen, the ‘full body yes’ is a critical part of women’s work. Part of a woman growing up, becoming more attuned to her needs and her safety, and untangling from dangerous and toxic relationship patterns, is to feel with incredible subtlety the signals and wisdom of her body.

If you’ve been up-close and personal with more mindful women—particularly if you’ve taken things slow—you’ll get what I’m about to say:

Attraction, for most women I’ve known, is more complex than a simple ‘yes/no’ binary. As she sits or stands in my presence, hearing me talk and assessing my intentions and leadership, her body will have its natural response. Parts of her will open, aspects of her will close. Here I stand, in my simple, basic presence. Perhaps I offer a single uttered sentence. And parts of her body will open or close.

Ideally, her opening and closure is a fluid, responsive process, a trustable form of world-navigation. But some women are stuck on closed. Many women, as you know, have never had an orgasm—and such women, at some level and in some part of their bodies, hold a tense area of muscular closure that impedes the rush of erotic energy, forever denying surrender in a clasp to remain ‘safe’. On the other hand, it seems some women are stuck on open—their need for approval is so great they override their better judgment. You may have known these women, too. Though seeming open does not mean her body is open.

Generally speaking, a woman’s body will have a responsive rhythm of opening and closure, depending on how you, the man, show up. The value of our live workshops is that you get mirror-image feedback so you can understand which gestures, words, ticks, breath patterns, on your part, create openness or closure within her. When you hear (and later feel) a woman’s openness and closure to you—and the subtle things you did or said to create it—this has you naturally refine your approach.

Now it’s not uncommon that parts of a woman will become aroused and simultaneously guarded. I’ve had women tell me they are wet in my presence, though they are guarding some part of their hearts. I’ve had women scared of the rush of arousal they experience—it’s amazing—yet something inside them twinges, and tells them no.

Her vagina’s an extraordinary instrument—her clitoris may be stimulated, the area of her g-spot lubricated, yet her cervix (her deeper folds) remain closed. This is why a ‘full yes’ in a man’s body will never be as nuanced as that of a woman’s: we don’t possess such complex anatomy. Amazing how, in your simple presence, she may feel depths of her vagina start to open—she might feel depths of her vagina remain closed.

Something to be curious about, perhaps.

Many women are, of course, utterly unaware of this process. They see a hot guy, a high-status guy, and follow him home and have closed, unorgasmic sex—all friction and karmsutrics and strain. Her codependent mechanism kicks in… for a man with whom she barely opened. This is not an ideal base for a romantic relationship. So the worldly women who practice the ‘full body yes’ begin to listen to the more delicate contours within them… and use different criteria on which to base their decision-making with you.

Thumbing back to my click-bait opening question: as a lover, a ‘seducer’, what kind are you? Does your presence give women clitoral stimulation? Does your way of being open g-spot lubrication? Or is the way you hold yourself in word and deed sufficient to open her to the depths of her womb?

I am not fooling around with these questions. 

Whether you are aware of this process or not, a woman’s body will undergo a subtle unraveling in her first impression of you—or it will undergo a subtle tightening. If you are masterful in your awareness, you will know exactly which.

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Your presence already has an impact in her body

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Her openness, her orgasm, has to do with superficiality and depth. A man who tickles her clit will be a performer, a good laugh, full of sparkle and buzz, a great talker. He’ll be a walking vibrator, a tongue. There are many such men around, and it’s the easiest orgasm to give. A shot of short-term pleasure. The beauty of the clit-man is worldwide fun!

But if there’s nothing about you that will have her feel seen and safe emotionally, the muscular guarding she holds in her vaginal canal will not open in your presence. She won’t orgasm at the level of her g-spot. If you’ve seen any of those squirting tutorials, you will have seen the sheer extent that massage (full-body muscular relaxation), and psychological safety, is required to allow her to go here. Are you, in the way you hold yourself, psychologically safe? Can you ‘hold space’ for the varied spectrum of her emotions; stay unjudgmental in the face of what comes up? To the extent that you can, she’ll know she can let go and her orgasm will go deeper with you—and you’ll both feel the satisfaction. This is a place the run-of-the-mill ladies’ man, no matter how slick his tongue, cannot reach.

So what about the cervical, the womb orgasm? 

For many women, this is the once-in-a-lifetime guy. It’s a depth of sex that most women don’t know, and men even less. In my experience, there has to be a spiritual-seeming connection, a true depth of worship and love; for it is love that allows a woman to open here. Another facet is integrity: if I have in any way lied to get our intimacy this far, her body will register my lie (even if her mind has ignored it). If I don’t have a sense of structure or integrity in the way I live—even a sock misplaced on the bedroom floor, or a scramble for cash at the parking meter—she might hold her interior muscles with clench. If there’s a fear I might quickly leave her (whether her fear is based on a shadowy sense I’m non-committal, or come purely from her experiences past), she will not open to this depth. The womb orgasm is reserved for the man who can feel the depth of her heart and, through his stability and his fire and his strength, shows he can stick through it all.

And yet, just to mess up our little model here—as we read in Nancy Friday and the like—preposturously big orgasms can happen with some anonymous werewolf or pirate.

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Fluency in the language of orgasm

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I know many of you will be wondering how you can get to the cervical orgasm as quickly as possible. The ultimate stripe on your arm as a lover—game completion! Victory on the quest! But the question is whether you’re willing to hold her in all the consequences of your love-making, and if you can surrender to the transcendent dark. Or will you walk out, or go up to your head, when things get hard? If she senses you’re the type who might close and run, she will not go to this place with you. Greater than any seductive pyrotechnics is the erstwhile ability to stay.

There’s a cost to this sort of depth—there’s a cost to psychological safety, too. It might get intense—and a woman’s real messiness is already beyond most men’s zones of comfort. Far easier, for a seducer, to hang around the clit. It’s feel-good, low-risk. Street-smarts! A calculated life of plenty, without repercussions. Even as you plunge and roam inside her, she only part-feels you there. The orgasm remains on the surface. She takes you in, without opening up. You could do this for decades! Choose your ride.

Now it is very possible to give her all three depths at once. A glut of recent Amorati, after over-identifying with the virtue of ‘going deep’, have forgotten the vibrant world of shimmering pleasure; the wink and the smile; the intermezzo in the cinema toilet, the between-loads fuck on the tumble-dryer.

But in terms of that full body yes, what we need to know is that when a woman grows up a little, and realises that surface sex and surface relating don’t take her where her heart wants to go, she turns inwards and begins exploring. Scanning for a ‘full body yes’ is a way that she can start to discern: which man here, beyond the validation sparks and teenage fireworks, is someone who can take me to the depth with which I want to live? Maybe that is the playboy for one Friday-night stand. Or the g-spot, space-holding lover during the early part of the week. But many a woman, staring starkly at the present and towards the future, turns to celibacy. She cannot find the man she yearns for, or she raises her bar to a notch so high that few mortal men ever could reach. It’s a move of empowerment but it’s a cry of anguish; not yet fuller immersion in love.

When a woman really loves men, the tides of her love rise so high that even the simplest men around her are lifted, and her whole body—while never letting slip of proper boundaries—transforms into an unfolding yes.

Such women are incredibly in-demand.

But when a man really loves women… to the extent that her darkest mess is just beautiful, to where—on the verge of hitting insanity baby I’ve got you, I still worship you—I sense something deeper than only her personal womb opens.

But these are now topics for another day.

For another generation, perhaps…

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If you’re a man and you’re using a ‘full body yes’ as your dating heuristic, how are you doing that? Where in your body are you feeling? How do you know, if she’s a no, or a yes? And are your results typically binary, or something nuanced and uncertain and in-between? What are your thoughts?

Sure, let’s date a little. In the daytime, over ice-cream. I’m drawn to you, but part of me is unsure. Let’s test it out: maybe this will unfold into a yes?

In part #2 of this article I’ll explore how us men might use our bodily wisdom to choose the right long-term partner.

But if you’re scanning your body in one well-worn location, and you set a goal to approach a ‘full body yes’ woman each day, I don’t imagine you’re feeling all that deeply.

Go get ‘em, playboi!

~ Jordan

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