Oh the weather outside is frightful
But the fire is so delightful
* * *
The exploration started with a post we received the first time I mentored a round of Essentials:
‘I was talking to this really cute woman the other day, when I started to feel myself a little aroused.
In fact I could even feel myself getting hard, and we were just sat in my living room, talking with each other.
This was, naturally, quite embarrassing for me. So I fixed myself in such a way that she wouldn’t notice, and that the energy would go away. My parents were home anyway, so nothing more could have happened.
But in the name of authenticity and loving women, what should I do? Should I have told her that I was aroused, and even getting an erection?’
‘Honesty is the greatest aphrodisiac’ is what we say. Brand these five words into your brain: this is the Ars Amorata in a nutshell.
Yet verbal authenticity, when it comes to your arousal, is dynamite. Most of the time it just blows things up. You need to position things right to create that extraordinary breakthrough.
Whether you’re verbally so direct with her depends on the openness of the moment: the lubrication of the social environment, the established safety and trust.
More importantly, whether you choose to speak these words or not, something important has to happen inside you energetically.
And so us mentors all echoed to him, as if in chorus:
Since you’ve no place to go…
Let it flow, let it flow, let it flow!
* * *
Masculinity is About Acceptance
Men today really don’t know what to do with their sexual energy in polite society.
This has long been the case, but today, as the general vilification of our sexuality reaches new heights (and as we enter a new world of moralism and prudery), men are more tangled up than ever.
Untangling is the key to it all, though.
My advice is simple:
And allow life force to move through.
This is an embodied act of rebellion, a reclamation of our nature. And you don’t need to utter a word.
Whether you share your desire for her directly or not, allow your life force to move through.
Well, if you do speak your desire to this woman, your words will come imbued with a sexual hum. You will transmit sexual energy along with your words, which makes all the difference.
But, if you choose not to speak your desire to this woman, but you let your sexual energy flow through you anyway, any words you choose will transmit a sexual energy, which is the definition of charisma, which’ll have her lean in.
This is the mechanics of innuendo. As arousal and pleasure flow freely through your body, you only need to say banana, or aubergine, or, for the hell of it, gooseberries, with half a raised eyebrow, and the mischievous secret of enjoying your own erotic pleasure, and a hundred images flash through her mind.
Authenticity gets redefined. Honesty is not about the words you do or don’t say—it’s whether you allow naturally-arising feeling to simply run through your body unfettered.
A silent man can be utterly honest. Clench (if not admitted to) is dishonest, because a clench (even if well-meaning and self-protecting) hides the truth of your natural state. The person you would be if you were unafraid.
Radical honesty, then, is not about speaking truthful language, but showing yourself as truthful in your primal energy. The paradoxical virtue of honesty, as you boil in social taboo. You allow nature to take course, and you let yourself be seen… as an embodiment of nature itself.
This is the concept of ‘masculine edge’, combined with ‘sub-communication’. It is not an easy practice, though.
Embodying your sexual charisma is about flow, not force.
One must retrain the body so it allows primal energy to move through. One must untie those involuntary knots, that deep, autonomic conditioning. Quicker than lightning, a gorgeous, sexual, provocative woman enters the room, and our pelvis and guts contract, squeezing all awareness and energy into our face, taking out our breath, ensqueakening our voices, collapsing our posture, and killing any possible spontaneity or flow. Such is the anatomy of clench. One must walk into the silent annals of the nervous system, get beneath the level of involuntary response, and release the reasons we do it.
One must become accustomed to the flow of his erotic energy, able to relax into it, without having to act on it. Accepting every iota. Letting it be.
Imagine sitting amidst polite society, pretty maids all about you, and sexual, almost orgasmic energy coarses through your limbs, making your feet tingle, your face blush, and every cell of you feel alive. Then, imagine that you could enjoy this scene so simply, so entirely, that you didn’t need another thing. Passion flowing, a fire without need to quench itself, a fountain without need to discharge. A wellspring.
This is what it would mean to hum with sexual presence.
When I feel like this in my day-to-day life, women turn towards me, play with their hair, arch their backs, widen their eyes, and smile. It’s nature, baby:
Let it flow, let it flow, let it flow!
* * *
A ‘Danger’ in Work and in Love
Men often ask us about becoming dangerous. A man that hints at darkness and danger, yet imbued with virtue, who contains a smoldering, primal force. Virtue includes the restraint of desire when so needed for a noble cause. But there is no virtue in repressing a force to the point of numbing it out. That would be a sin against nature.
Many men get a little drunk, a little randy, and start grabbing women, pulling them here and there before they’re ready. They see an open door of connection, and get lascivious. This is lack of discipline. This is because they don’t know how to enjoy their own erotic feelings without having to act them out. When a man can enjoy his erotic nature without needing a woman to quench his fire, he becomes a more attractive proposition altogether.
One the other side of the scale, we’ve grown so uncomfortable about our sexual nature, that we’ve opted for lives in our heads. The best way to deal with the confusion of our visceral passion is to simply numb it out and not play. Until you realise how lonely this becomes…
But this is limiting our talk to seduction and dating.
I believe your art, your leadership, your business life, also depend on your passion.
Two speakers get up on stage, with the task of delivering a pitch. Everything between them is even, but one man enjoys a kind of sensuality as he speaks, and the other is in his head. Who makes more money over the course of the year?
It’s self-evident that your marriage depends on your passion.
Life is pressure, and finances and purpose steal our attention, funneling our energy away from love. The sheer force of gravity steals a man’s passion, and if he doesn’t regularly stoke his own fire, realign, his wife will disconnect. But if we’re honest with each other: where does your erotic energy flow, now you’re a decade into your relationship? Any… secret outlets?
At the start of my relationship, I started clenching my energy around other women in a bid to create safety, to stave off the monster of jealousy. It felt inappropriate to let sexual energy flow through me when talking to other women. Perhaps I didn’t trust myself to contain this energy without acting on it. The more I allow my erotic nature to flow outside the house (including with other women), the more passion I bring back to my home-life. Many of us can’t choose between having a deep, committed relationship, or enjoying the fruit of the world. Often, what we want is commitment, without losing the playful, life-giving (yet innocent) spark of connecting with anyone, anywhere.
The secret, at work, home, or in the club, is to let sexual energy run when it runs. Let others deal with their reactions, while you keep an open heart. The more you punkishly stand by the dignity of your erotic energy, the more you give them a) permission, and b) the opportunity to reflect on their prudishness, and mature.
* * *
Let The Tiger Unfurl…
The connective tissue to all of this is, of course, retraining your body so that it allows your primal energy to move through.
One must untie those involuntary knots, that conditioning.
It is relieving to know that you don’t need more sexual energy. It’s simply unfurling the clenches, and the distractions, that keep it back. Once you do this, you stop suppressing the force of your animal passion into one numbed-out little section of your pelvis, and you learn how to conduct and to channel your entire erotic flow.
Finding a practice that allows you to get beneath those clenches, so you can loosen them up, release the fear, and enjoy your arousal, is essential.
You will re-circuit the flow of your sexual-creative energy, for every area of your life.
Would you like to practice this with me?
On Sunday 26th February, I will host a brand new interactive Masterclass.
With a mix of physical practices, shamanic and releasing process, and partner-work, you will go through a full embodiment experience, as part of a group. You will leave this session feeling entirely differently about your body, your hips, and the nature of your creative-erotic energy.
Whether you have involuntary clenches (embarrassment, shame) that hold you back from running erotic energy in your life…
… or if you talk with such speed that you don’t slow down, breathe, or know how charge a whole room with delicious tension…
… then join me.
We’ll explore, and get beneath, some of the clenches that keep your dangerous, erotic simmer back. Let your whole being unfold into a deeper, more sexual vibration.
Sign up here: Awakening the Virtue of Passion
* * *
Now that you’re relaxing into your erotic energy in all situations, what about that involuntary erection?
Well, you might even, after thirty minutes of delicious conversation, let her see you ‘tuck’ your penis under your waistband, as you get up from the table. Or, send her on ahead, letting her see your blushing cheeks as you tell her you ‘need a minute to settle up’.
You might expect this to be the case, but it always comes as a surprise to me: women tend to like knowing that they’ve given a good man an erection. It’s conspiracy. And it seems to tickle them more deeply when they discover it for themselves.
* * *