As we close off the month on Celebrating Her in the Amorati, I think it’s useful to say some words about celebrating your woman when up-to-the-neck in relationship. How can you transmit the same level of joy and inspiration of her when you’re months or years in, long after you’ve over-used all your best lines, and things are getting all too stable?
It’s a clear sign of a man’s un-attentiveness when he relies on celebrating her in the wooden ways in which he celebrated her in the past. On the contrary, it’s an ecstatic experience to notice her as things change throughout the relationship, and be the witness to both her (and the relationship’s) unfolding. Just as Heraclitus proclaimed that we could never step in the same river twice, neither can we actually celebrate the same woman in the exact same way…
Here are some ways I’ve come to celebrate my woman/women over the years. Note that a thriving, ever-expanding relationship starts with this kind of celebration right from the beginning, not as a last throw of the dice…
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1. Celebrate Her for Novelty and Newness
The way a human develops and grows is astonishing, and if you watch another person closely enough you’ll get to see exactly when they are doing and saying things they’ve never done or said before. This is impressive to me, for it shows just how unpredictable your partner, and therefore your relationship, can be. Every shred of novelty that comes into my relationship, or through my woman, is a gift to savour: a sign that we’re people in motion, leaving past patterns behind, and constantly becoming new futures.
When a person demonstrates a new way of being, speaking, thinking, acting, that for me is the sign of someone extraordinary: someone on the move. And when my partner shares something to me that she’s never shared with anyone before, that is one definition of intimacy.
With novelty I’m talking about attitude, emotions, and the ways she shows up… right down to her hair, make-up, nails, dress… even the way she moves her body. If you miss any novelty or newness she brings to the relationship through her hair, make-up, or dress, woe be tied you!
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2. Celebrate Her for Her Epic Struggles
When we’re self-absorbed we never realise this: most other individuals on this planet are absorbed in a kind of heroic struggle: a burning evolutionary need to take their lives from point A, and hopefully one day arrive at a so-desired point B. Every book read, every class taken, every work-out sweated, every job fought-for, or hour lost gazing at the clouds in thought: all compile an existential human journey of trying to feel somehow more safe, more whole, more self-expressed, more loveable. She’s longing for something in the depths of her heart.
Take time out every couple of weeks to celebrate her for her efforts, her successes and failures along her challenging life story. Literally tell her what to wear and take her out to dinner for the night. Pop the champagne at every mini-milestone she goes through, even if she doesn’t see the significance of her efforts.
If you don’t do it, no-one else is likely to (least of all her).
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3. Celebrate Her for Her Generosity
Where attention goes, energy flows, as they say. Whatever gets celebrated therefore continues to unfold. Generosity is one of the greatest of all human traits, and generosity is the one thing that will ultimately save and sustain the living pulse of your relationship.
No generous act should be left un-thanked and un-noticed.
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4. Celebrate Her for Mature Femininity
When she’s graceful in conflict. When she concedes and gives an authentic apology. When she bakes cakes and gives them to the neighbours. When she stops on the way home to take care for animals, or for the down-trodden. When she dances in the morning, or practices yoga, as a humble way of dealing with her own inner turmoil. When she comes through the other side of a difficult conversation.
There are aspects of the feminine that make me want to fall to my knees in worship. I celebrate them all.
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5. Celebrate Her for Being a Hot Piece of Ass
As time goes by it’s easy to stop seeing your woman as a piece of meat, and actually get to know her as a person. Never forget the way you frothed at the mouth when you first saw her curves! Never forget to celebrate your woman (with your eyes and with your words) as a prime piece of ass! (or someone else will…)
Yeah, I get the title to this section is not P.C., but remember that our physical bodies make up one third of who we are… we all like to be appreciated in the physical realm.
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6. Celebrate the Child (and Other Sundry Messes) that lie Beneath her Public Personae
There’s actually nothing more boring than a woman wearing a mask. Her energy is dull, and her body rigid.
It is therefore life-affirming to see the joyful, childlike side within your woman… as well as the nerdy side, the cute, endearing side, and all the other emotional tangles she gets into.
This is a real human being you get to see!
Intimacy suffers when you cannot accept certain parts of your woman. One flash of judgment and that’s a part of her life-force she’ll hide away from you. Too many parts of her in hiding? Relationship freezes and grinds to its end.
The solution? Love every part. Celebrate all of her, especially the messiness. It’s fucking cute.
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7. Celebrate the Weather in Her
When you’re knee deep in relationship with a woman, you will know that it’s not always pleasant. Her moods can get violent, even vile at times. One must be prepared for all weathers!
When her anger is genuine, her rage about to burst forth, or her hormones take her to the limits of all irrationality, celebrate that. You celebrate the monsoon when you’re in the tropics, right? You travel to Patagonia to marvel at the glaciers? You even strip off your clothes and dive into the ice-bath. Then by exactly the same logic… celebrate her as she comes to chop off your balls!
“Yes! Fuck! Amazing! Give me more!”
(it can be a privilege when a woman comes at you in rage… nice guys never get to experience that much raw energy, because women don’t trust they can handle it, or they’re too lifeless and unprovocative to ever evoke it)
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8. Celebrate Any New Facet of Sexuality She Reveals to You
Most women are shy about their sexuality, and the deeper you take her in physical intimacy, the more you’ll both discover parts of her that she’s never seen before. To discover just how wide she can open for certain sexual acts, or just what an animal she can be, for example, can be rather disconcerting to her. ANY new flavour, shadow, archetypal force or innocent young part of her psyche that you discover in the depths of some altered sexual state must be celebrated, made to feel wanted, and free to come out of the pandora’s box of her unconscious.
This psycho-sexual transmutation (which is a fancy way of talking about the dark erotic energies you coax out from the underworld of her sexual nature) can bring us some of the most thrilling moments we’ll ever share with women in our lives…
Thank you, my love!
I can rest my head with wonder for the rest of my days, knowing I was privy to that!
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How could you celebrate the women in your life afresh, today?
Too close to your woman to actually see any of the above in her? Then disappear for a few days, and commit to seeing her again through fresh eyes.
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