Of course you can break any of the “rules” in dating and self-expression. But if your texting fails to ignite fire, you might devote some time to understanding polarity…
Texting is an Embodied Affair
Mind, thumbs and screen are what we think texting consists of, an activity that requires little of the soma. It may sound perplexing then to consider that texting is an embodied affair.
You will know from your local bar how the hi from the first man arouses disdain in a woman, where the hi from the second sparks erotic motions flying. Different men, same word, different effect. The consonants and vowels spell one thing, but a kinetic force operates beneath that opens a different bodily conversation entirely.
It is no different through the medium of text.
I once met a woman during daylight in a crowded room. It was illicit: her boyfriend was present, we connected subterranously in plain air, polarity on. Through media we were easily findable, of course. Friend added. Conspiracy hatched. Guilty fingers caressing the screen our entire journeys home— breath alight in possibility. “We have to stop right here,” after three texts she tells me. “The electricity is unmanageable. I’m climbing the walls.”
We left it there; we didn’t intend our integrity to get out of whack.
When you next go to text, breathe, sit back, and feel from head to toe. Imagine your missive were a puff of the finest cigar, the enjoyment of high-category perfume. Decide that you will feel every syllable you inscribe to her, and caress the digits into your screen as if it were her naked skin. *Receive hers with the same rapt attention.*
A man’s presence is non-locational. It is felt across time and space; the lover’s spirit eternal. Seed implanted, it can arouse old feelings in her after a decade of not even thinking of you. We visit each other in dreams.
As you sit down to write to her, imagine how she will receive e v e r y s i n g l e l a s t w o r d .
Girlfriends do fluff. A masculine text cuts straight to the bone.
Remove Masks, Fabric Softeners & Emoticons
As in reality, our fears of dirtying the waters, seeming inappropriate, and being scolded in blame and reprisal, cause us to mask our expression, adding softeners, fluff, and anything to sweeten the taste of our earth-bitter invitations.
“I don’t mean to…” “Oh I was just thinking…” “Don’t worry, it’s not important…” “You know, we could perhaps maybe hang out. If you want to.”
No. No. No.
Own what you want. Say what you feel. Lay it all out on the floor.
In your texting, allow penetration. Allow her body to be shaken, the viscerality of desire to come across raw. The kinetic connection between one man’s word and a woman’s life force. A gentlemen is not cute, hello kitty, nor a boy-band member.
Remove justifications, explanations, unnecessary data, and — unless you’re nailing the spirit of play with her — emoticons.
Ride the High-Velocity Anxiety Train
One of the great invitations of texting is how it can teach us to funnel anxiety when we don’t get a response. Finding presence within uncertainty is a trait that’ll benefit you in every area of life; embrace this gift.
When love is on the line, when you revealed yourself a shade more heart-open than you’re comfortable feeling, and when your hand has been shown…
… breathe with rapt crystalline dedication, and soak in the feeling. Your moment has come: stand upon that big wave.
You will perennially feel off-centre over her unanswered texts until you gain an acquired taste for anxiety, and learn how to transmute your nerves into creativity, playfulness, pleasure. Only matured anxiety opens the veranda onto the distinguished qualities of yearning, anticipation, suspense, and delicious pursuit.
Offer an Open, One-Sentence Invitation into your World
Questions can feel invasive, forcing a conversation she doesn’t want to invest in having.
Logistics can feel premature, prying for future fun without enjoying the vibration of the now.
Sometimes we all need a quiet minute with a cup of tea, nestled into the sofa as it rains.
You have a sentence-long space in which to have her imagine how it feels today to be right next to you.
She might like to buy more. Offer the sample.
What Pleases You?
As your proficiency blossoms in this digital art, you might discover a number of options who don’t offer much.
Why would you force more connection with a woman who’s responsiveness doesn’t cut it? Do you dislike yourself that much that you’d fight to engineer a date with someone so inattentive to your good-natured invite?
Seek to be enchanted, not left cold. Your fall-back option is learning to enjoy your great time alone.
Between Dreaming and Waking
Blessed are those who enter freely the realms of imagination and poetry; the subtle enchanted nightworlds of metaphor, insinuation, delight.
Lose yourself in baroque erotic prose, and tease her with premonistic sensations of the depths unto where you might both unfold. Images of late summer in the park, adventures on moonlit rooftops afterdark, and the way you taste the nectar from her navel, nape and centre.
Dip frequently into the yet-unexpressed nexus of your creativity. Write her an erotic novel if need be. But be as sharp and clear with logistics as a Swiss train.
(If you should ever want to guide a passenger into your altered realms…)
Don’t Drop the Container
A gentleman may not have a propensity for texting. Texting is not a game, there is no certain reward, and frustration is part of every level. Just don’t lose the rope through absence, forgetfulness, workaholism.
Think about, then feel into, every woman you’re currently communicating with. Check, inwardly with the transmitter that is your body, if it is time to slip her a little note before bed. Not to progress things, not to change anything, not to warm her up nor manipulate her memory back to the good times. Just hold the container — the rhythm and the frequency — of your unfolding kinetic dialogue. Let your presence be felt through the ether. This is the age of anti-ghosting.
Boys tell me they’ll wait a day or two before texting. Build anticipation, not seem keen, make her want him. False suspense comes from the conjecture of your fear and a subterranean manipulation of her own anxiety and desperation.
So when should I text her? Your body knows when to send the message, not your contriving brain! Wait for your feeling, not your scheming, to tell you when, and then, as Hemingway once implored, write her one true sentence. Write the truest sentence that you know.
Croaking on that death bed in your final hours, you will not applaud yourself over a single time you made a woman wait. You will only regret failing to express yourself whole-heartedly in the vivacity of what your now-collapsing heart once felt.
Our Perma-Availability Kills Eroticism
Our perma-available culture kills eroticism, suspense, and the joy of the wait. Bells. Notifications. The tolls of twenty-four hour response-ability. As our attention continually opens — thirty tabs across six time-zones and four devices — our ability to go deep subsumes. Computer programmers never appeared in women’s erotic fiction. Sailors, mountaineers, lumberjacks have.
When a gentleman is unavailable for semi-attentive perma-texting, love letters thrive.
Could we pin the minute, hour and date in history when the last living love-letter was sent? Humanity’s final multi-page exposition, pastiched from the anguish of a man’s viscera, the burning of his gizzards and the lust of his heart, all sealed with the tender tears of his cheek? And could we pin the hour and date when a woman’s last fate was transformed by such a bold, manly gift?
Romance, they say — the intentional elevation of the spirit to a world more intimate, sublime and free — is dead. There is no more time to think romantically: our schedules are full, our limbic systems on hi-jack. There is no more oxygen left on this planet with which to fan the flame.
If you realise what is important, create borders around your time and communicate them with love. Nourish the soil beneath the now-antiquated quality of yearning. To wander beyond the pale of telecommunicative range is not playing games but playing double-service. As you close your devices to submit yourself to your passions, you create deep work and build the virtuous gift of missing each other for good God-given reasons.
There is nothing more attractive to a woman than watching her man offer himself devotionally through his one true talent.
At a snow-laden train-station my friend and his Belorussian lover, adorned with a single rose, made an oath to each other upon parting. They’d eschew all technological communion with each other, committing their affections onto pen and paper, stamp, lipstick, postcard, envelope and stapler. Air mail; snail mail. Sealed with a loving kiss. The big idea? To sublimate the love felt for each other, to maintain its purity, to vent it upwards so as it would reach the sky and rain down upon them a daily nectar, consummating them both in an ethereal love-and-lost bliss. Teased out to an extreme, their next sun-risen embrace would be fuelled with devastated adulation, their cells reparted into dissolution across the universe, as soon as their lips would next meet.
And you’re asking what she wants for dinner?
The gentleman strokes his chin and considers whether the antidote to the mediocre love-and-work slew he feels in our insta-world lays in devoting himself more purely to what he loves, and living just one vibrant portion of life in an old-era way. He is not advocating the Amish, penning each letter in iambic pentameter, nor wailing under balconies in Verona, calling that she might “let down her hair”.
He is just mindful whether his text habits are incrementing love and suspense, or ever dribbling all hope of it away.
P.S. Whenever you’re ready – here are 4 more ways you can deepen your self-awareness, your connection to your body, and your audacity with women:
- Essentials will take care of many of your ‘smaller’ dating questions, and guide you into a more expansive view of women and of life. Join the waitlist for our next class.
- 1:1 Coaching with me is available again. Simply sign up on my calendar for a private session, while I am at home in the office. Pick my brain on any topic close to your heart, and get clarity on your personal life situation.
- LOTM is available now—get your foot in the door now to grab this year’s price (after that, the cost of entry will increase). LOTM is the perfect starting point for your embodiment journey, and will help you understand what your body wants to say.
- Work with me live? New intensives are added to the calendar all the time. Join us live, and put your questions about connection to bed.
* * *