‘I Have Nothing To Offer’

So we’ve just completed the final event of our seven-week US trip. They have all been amazing.

We started this journey with a simple premise: ‘what if we never make it back here, to this wild and vast country?’

That simple ‘what if’ translated into action, into urgency. Moments when I was inclined to read a little, to sit back and watch a movie, I thought again. I got up, scrapped, grabbed every morsel of experience I could from the country. Sniffing out every neighbourhood, taking it all in. Yes, we lost all regular organisation. We lost sleep and personal artifacts and ate badly. But we loved this time like our lives.

Any learnings from this adventure? we’ve been asked. Well, we have some beach time by the Keys, and the Bahamas stare us in the face. So it isn’t over yet.

But I can share with you things from yesterday’s Florida Salón.

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#1 — You’ve Got To Admit How Much You Want It


Something I witnessed throughout our trip was that our American brothers were not too hung up about women.

Neither was there dejection or complaint about American women, or the state of dating either. Almost everyone we met saw abundance and variety all about them. Our brothers fight instead for other wins.

One of those wins, almost universally, is the wish for more true friends. To foster adventure and belonging, at home and on the road.

The question is, how do you do that? How do you build a sense of beloved community—how do you go beyond acquaintance, into ‘tribe’, and find the right ones? This can be a lonely place.

I will not claim that such a process is easy. But I will declare that, at some point, you have to own just how much you want it. With conviction and delight, one must speak into the world that which his spirit craves, without embarrassment or shrinking or explanation or apology. However, announcing your wish for belonging and communion and higher inspiration to others is not an option most men see; nor is not a vulnerability most of us will take.

But you can be powerful and open, independent and inviting, all at the same time.

One of the best things I learned from Zan was a kind of sidewards tonality.

He would state, in two or three clear-spoken sentences, with laser-like conviction, with full vibrating desire, with a deep shot of sincerity, a dash of gratitude and longing, and without a single ounce of passivity or victimhood, exactly what he wanted, what he would have liked to have seen in the world, to experience.

You announce the cravings of your guts and heart, very publicly, in this firm and sidewards tone. And what that does is it forehands your vision, your desire, into someone else’s court. You pause, you wait for the ball to drop, and for the result of the shifting sand. Those around you will then decide how to respond to your proclamation. Perhaps they invite you into something. Or share how they feel the same, opening you up to give an invitation.

This sidewards tone is anything but weak, or sappy. I gave several examples of it at yesterday’s Salón. It’s tantamount to announcing a grand vision before a roomful of people, and seeing who enrolls.

Maybe you have to hear it to understand.

I’ll say more in the future about building community and about starting men’s groups—particularly to our members. There are some nuances to clarify on the topic, so that you end up building a community with excitement and thrust, rather than one with a dragging sense of emotional burden (which is where many men’s groups tend to go).

For now, tell your male friends how much you want an excellent group around you. Note how the vibration of your vision raises the standards for all.

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#2 — ‘Nothing’ is the Greatest Thing You Can Bring to Women (And, For That Matter, to the World)


The notion of demonstrating value (and with it, one’s self-worth) is fiercely embedded into this culture. Time is money here, and there is little safety net. The system compels you up the ladder. You objectivise yourself: confusing net-worth for self-esteem, and productivity for deserving.

‘I go on lots of dates, but never get the ones I really want.’

We’ve discussed this topic before. When a man brings it up, I dig a little under the surface.

‘I just feel I have nothing to offer.’

When I’m coaching, I sometimes take things very literally.

‘You have nothing to offer?’ I ask.

Nothing is the greatest thing a man could ever offer!’

I say this with its requisite wonder and excitement. And the room always falls into silence.

You need some spiritual insight to get this, though.

When we talk about sexual polarity, the feminine is everything that flows… whereas the masculine is the still and silent space—void consciousness—the witness. When a man dares to bring a great deal of nothing to the table, the air becomes pregnant with his presence. This sense of nothing, spaciousness, void… is the most unique and intoxicating energy a woman will ever feel. He dares to step out of the rat-race, to come to his senses, to live for the day. In so doing, he values himself, and the moment, for exactly what they are.

Few people value the things that they’re best at; we discard our deep talents like old clothes. Fewer people still value that which they are.

So the cynical client says to his therapist or coach, ‘I’m paying all this money, and you just sit there and listen?’

To which I’d retort, ‘sure—find someone else on this earth who can sit with you for an hour, and just purely listen.’ For the great mass of men, suspending your small self is entirely impossible.

Beauty needs a witness.

If you truly have nothing to offer—nothing on your mind, nothing on your agenda—your value in the world of women will be infinite. Nothing on your mind… you see everything that she is, without rose or dark-tint on your glasses.

The men at our Salóns, and particularly those at the Weekend Intensives, were really getting this. It takes some courage, though, to step into the void. To dare to be nothing, to bring nothing to the table

The other week, my girlfriend was going through a mini life crisis. Happens to many of us do, when birthdays come around. ‘There’s no meaning to my life!’ she cried. ‘Everything I do is meaningless!’

‘That’s great news,’ I told her, with a Cheshire Cat smile across my face.

When you discover just how meaningless your life is, you reach the point of the existentialists. If you can accept this overwhelming nihilism, you can start the uniquely creative act of building your own myth; your own personal sense of meaning.

Owning the ways in which you have nothing to offer, and how your life is utterly meaningless—while finding the humour to do so with a heartful spirit—is the truest place you can start from. It is absolutely trustable.

You can argue with me on this matter.

But then I am unattached to convincing you otherwise.

~ Jordan

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