This week I was asked,
‘How does one find and commit to a true “beloved” partner, if they so desire?’
Beloved is a word that Zan has been using lately. And that word is key.
What does ‘beloved’ mean to you? How is a ‘true beloved’ partner different from a regular partner?
Perhaps you’ll take out a pen and paper, spend an hour contemplating it, and list all the qualities a beloved partner would bestow upon you.
Better still, how would it feel—throughout your body—to receive these things from a beloved?
One secret to embodiment is this: if you can generate these feelings by yourself, and let them swirl around your body for more than two minutes, you’re already swimming in the feeling of having a beloved relationship. If you can generate these feelings daily, in a kind of meditation, attracting the actual woman, from this energetic start-point, will just be a matter of time.
Do you want the relationship enough to commit to the practice, though?
For me, a beloved relationship contains deep devotion, an unshakeable commitment, and a quiet adoration. The question then becomes: would you recognise these qualities in a woman, if you saw them in the wild?
Love, devotion, adoration… are not easy potentials to see. You have to be attuned to women in a particular way.
Years on this path have given me a peculiar skill: when I see a woman—right at first impression—I can feel if her heart is bursting with love. There’s a certain aliveness, or softness, on her face—a sparkle in her eye—that shows me if she’s available to love at these depths, that shows me if she longs for it.
Because I see this glorious feminine potential unblocked in her, I enjoy it immediately. My own eyes dilate in appreciation. The cycle of polarity—attraction and appreciation—begins.
Most men don’t spot these beloved qualities out in the wild. But tune in, and start looking. This means witnessing a woman beyond her physical traits, beyond her interests and personality. You develop a ‘spiritual vision’ to see these things.
What’s trickier, is that most men don’t allow a woman’s highest loving qualities to enter into them. Men tend simply to not be available. If you have some deep belief of being unlovable, unworthy, then you’ll deflect a woman’s potential devotion before it ever reaches you. Distracting jokes, a hardening of your body, a flinch as things get a little tender, all tell a woman that her love will never be received by you. Blocked by such defences, she’ll pour her devotion elsewhere.
Many of us seize up too much in front of such open, loving women. We lose presence to the moment. And then go sleep with someone who doesn’t evoke such feelings—it’s easier that way—yet we complain of dissatisfaction when our sex-life doesn’t transport us that high.
Why would we close off to the feelings we want the most? It all has to do with the past, of course. The fears and costs you associate with love, the sense you’ll lose yourself, or be abandoned, all contribute to our closure when an opportunity shows itself. But then, culturally, most of us were never taught to appreciate women in the first place.
But you can change these patterns. You must train your adult self to realise that you can keep your core, and handle any emotions, that come with the vulnerability of love.
All my coaching and teaching will help you do this.
To allow yourself the relaxation, the inner space, to allow her love to wash over you—and for you to feel excited about commitment—when your beloved finally comes.
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So how does one find this ‘beloved-potential’ woman?
What I’ll say here will seem facetious: just let her appear.
That’s it: let her appear.
Most men, out of the problem-solving nature of our brains, will build strategies to attract a certain vibration of woman. Great. But most men will then go outside the boundaries of their regular life in order to find her. Many men go to bars and clubs—and all kind of other things they don’t feel at home at, or enjoy—with the hope of getting lucky. How’s that worked out for you?
If you’re looking for a true beloved, part of that is she’ll share values and interests with you. You’ll do much better by incrementally expanding the size of your life—your dominion—adding a few hobbies, locales, that nourish you as a man.
This is my secret: you lay a little spider’s web across all the communities and hang-outs that make you feel good. And, like a pretty little fly, she’ll one day drop in.
Come into the parlour!
If your body and your psyche are open and prepared, there’ll be an instant recognition between you both. You’ll just need to acknowledge the energy, and say ‘hi’. The rest tends to take care of itself.
Some men ask me if they should make dating their #1 priority until they find her. That’s the dating coach way. It was also my path for a number of years. I learned a lot about women, made up for a lost adolescence, but I did not attract a ‘beloved’.
Strangely, it was when I let go of all attachment to women, and fell more in love with my creativity and purpose, that the ‘beloved’ quality starting coming to me. I guess I tried too hard, wanted to perform right, in order to ‘solve my relationship problem’ and create devotion. When I put that effort into my interests—but still enjoyed the hell out of the women that surrounded me—their devotion entered more deeply inside.
A woman’s devotion catches up. It seems to echo your devotion to a passion bigger than you.
‘A woman wants to be taken on an adventure; she doesn’t want to be the adventure.’
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You Are A Speed-Train
I sometimes see a woman’s dating experience as being at a large railway station. It’s noisy. There are many different trains she can board. But which will she choose?
She looks around. Some trains don’t even have a destination on them. Others have an indeterminate route, so she doesn’t know if she’ll spend hours in industrial zones or tunnels in order to get somewhere nice. Some trains have clearly not maintained their carriages, and don’t say whether they’ll include drinks or food.
You get the picture.
The more clearly you present the adventure that you are, the more easily she will decide whether she’ll board your train.
So where are you going, really?
If you want to date around, sure, put all your attention on women. Go outside of the confines of your life, and say yes to every opportunity. But if you want to attract ‘beloved’-type energy, there are two other conversations you ought to get personal with:
- Ask yourself, what is the spiritual, the soul journey, that you are on. What’s the quality of the conversation you have with yourself, and how might that be more inviting?
- What is your calling: the gift in the world that you’re here to give?
Clarity on both these questions seems to transform a man… so that he’s energetically strong enough, yet supple enough, to draw out her highest, most beloved qualities.
Whether you’re an artist, a businessman, a sportsman, explorer or engineer, a beloved kind of woman needs to sense you’re already heading somewhere sublime.
And that you’re committed to your path above all else.
That’s the journey.
So, what do you love?
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And if you’re ready for a conversation that includes purpose, spirituality, a creating a beloved-beloved form of relationship, click below.